Apathy Sucks

Meh

Quitting my job

So I've decided after fixing just about everything that breaks at Drug Fair, that I'm going to quit and put an add in the paper to be a handy man. I'd probably make a shit ton more money, plus I may get to meet sexy house wives! Sounds like a plan to me!

Sunday is Officially my new least favorite day

So, as I previously mentioned, this weekend was supposed to be awesome. Regardless of how I was feeling, it was the only thing I was looking forward to all week. Well, everything seemed alright at first. My mom was about to leave, Shannon was getting ready. Then time just kept passing and I called her to see what was up.

I'm not mad, at all in fact. I should be, but I'm not. I understand why she backed out. It's fucking weird meeting someone for the first time that you know you already like. I was scared as all hell, and now I still am. I'm not mad, no... but I'm terrified now. I don't really know what's ever going to become of any of this.

The part that bugged me was the fact that she stopped even talking to me. Turned her phone off and I guess went to sleep. I don't even know.

I got a text during all of this, that said "Come to the fair" from Hannah. I told her I was in south Jersey and she responded with "You would be." I'm really not sure why I mentioned that, or even what it means.

I just wish that break was sooner, because I'm really not going to be up for this week after this.

I really don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Lets start from the start today.

Error number one: I skipped my first two classes. Yeah way to go you fucktard, why don't we try and fail out of school number two. I really don't know how I manage to do the incredibly asinine things I do.

Error number two: Totally bombed my history quiz, knew about it for 2 weeks... and fucking stared at the sky.

Error number three: Worked out to painstakingly amounts of soreness, finishing ten minutes before I had to go to:

Error number four: Fucking Drug Fair.

Error number five: I started over thinking this weekend. For those of you who I haven't told, I'm going to my mom's house Saturday night, and Sunday I am supposed to meet Shannon for the first time. Yeah, but leave it to me to get myself all worked up about it.

Error number six: Get all fucking emo at stupid comments because of the above.

Error number seven: Instead of just going to bed, or watching TV, or doing something that would stop me from having access to this hell hole we call the internet. I'm sitting here droning on and on about how miserable my day was.

Yeah I don't know, my overwhelming lack of self confidence is just beating the shit out of me with a tennis racket at the moment. That whole like, omg what if this? and what if that? shit is just whizzing through my brain, and all I keep saying to myself is no, this is exactly what you want asshole. I just hope like three things happen.

1. I don't like die on the way up there or not get any sleep or some other stupid thing because I'm being an ass.
2. One of us doesn't pussy out.
3. We hate each other in person.

Guess we'll see, /emo off

Making Up Dreams is Harder Than it Sounds

I did not need a whole entry for this, because that title... sums it all up. I'm just trying to avoid doing my school work, and Shannon is being a good kid and not talking to me until it's finished. So I have no distractions besides this blog here.

I finished my English... and my History presentation, but there's something about making up 10 dreams and then analyzing them when you know them to be false, that doesn't seem all that appealing to me at the moment.

Instead I will write a story about a man named Evan (the names have been changed (barely) to protect the innocent). Evan lives in the far off land of Minnesota, where there are no ghettos and certainly not enough black people to engulf him into their culture. Nevertheless, Evan is a wigger by definition. He talks black, acts black, and even has fitted hats with the most ridiculous things stitched into them.

Now Evan has a slight birth defect, which may be the reason that he was so easily influenced by such a misguided rap culture. It's barely noticeable to the untrained eye, however I have found that when you put your mind to it... it's definitely there! Allow me to explain, Evan's cheeks are about 7 sizes too large for the rest of his head. For the sake of description, picture Gerald from Hey Arnold... got it? Okay, now instead of the tall afro, replace it with a fitted cap and then color him white. And yeah, there you have it.

Evan spends much of his life talking to fat kids on the internet convincing them that he is not only black... but also the coolest black kid you will ever meet. He uses code words for sex, and always says he's skipping online gatherings to get some. However, much to everyone's surprise Evan trips over his own cheeks one night on the way to his mom's bedroom, and hits his nose on the floor HARD! In a moment of panic, he grasps his face and stammers backwards. His older sister had left her now ex-boyfriend laying outside her room, and to Evan's surprise right in the middle of the hallway floor. I say to his surprise, because while holding his now bloodied face, he trips over the large human mass and goes flying down the stairs of his house.

Now Evan new better than to go downstairs until morning, because his dad had just laid down a brown lacquer on the floor that took several hours to dry. Tumble, tumble, tumble, SMASH! Right into the molasses like material.

The moral? Oh you're going to love this one. Simply put, "Good things come to those who wait." Now this small, pathetic, white boy is a living breathing black man. After the swollen nose, and the new polished exterior, you could shove him into the Apollo Theater and have him read poetry about police brutality without so much as a snicker.


I love myself sometimes.

Shannon

So, I decided to kind of just write about the girl I've been talking to because that's what you do on blogs I suppose. So where can I start...

I met Shannon through random mishaps and adventures on Final Fantasy XI, and began talking to her as just some other pixelated character in the game. After talking a bit we discovered that we both live in NJ, and that she lives down by my mom's house. We just kept talking, and I gave her my number so she could call me if they needed me for stuff on XI, and that sort of led to us just talking more.

Random things happened involving flying to Minnesota and bitching, that led her to stop talking to the person she was talking to, and I sort of guessed that it happened, but wasn't entirely sure. I'd say we became pretty close after that, and one night at Andrew's she was having a really tough night and texted me and I talked her through it, much like she talked me through a lot of the shit I was dealing with here at home. One thing led to another and I told her that I liked her.

I don't really know how to describe whatever this relationship is, because it's definitely more than friends... but not really anything else. And here's the thing that bugs me about it all. She's really awesome, and really pretty, and I'm really just a pussy. We're yet to meet, although we both have sort of jokingly agreed to it. I'm really nervous to meet her for the first time, because I just feel like I'll do something dumb, or not be what she expected. I don't know how else to really put it other than the way we've been fucking around, so I'll just use it. She's like a solid 9/10 (She doesn't get 10 because I can't be that nice in something she'll potentially see!) and I'm just fucking Dan.

I just feel like I'm incredibly lucky right now, and it's only a matter of time before myself steps back in and says "lolDan GTFO!"

That's really all I wanted to get off my chest... I pray to the powers that be that I will maybe be succesful in this endeavor and potentially find someone I really like being with, but that's not for me alone to decide. Either way, I'm having a really great time talking to her now.

I'm really bad at endings, guess I'll just say "Fin."

Andrew's House, and Other Glory Filled Moments

So, I am very glad that Andrew's parents went to Tennessee and Florida this past week. It was a really great time having someplace to drink, and actually knowing there was something going on every night.

I'm also glad that the people who came did, and that the people I didn't even expect to see showed up too. Mike and "Rell-Baby" made a fantastic addition to the parties. And it was nice to meet people from Rutgers that you all met at Grover and Sean's birthday.

Too be frank though, I'm also glad to see it end. I realize how terrible I treat myself when I drink. My stomach is about ready to take over and just put my body on auto pilot to its own demise. And I haven't slept much in the last couple days. But that may not even be cause of the drinking <3.

ALSO! Of utmost importance is the fact that we do not have school tomorrow. This greatly excites me, and I intend to use it to recoup a bit of my strength.

And finally, William to you I make two personal points:

1. Congrats on raping face with my and Andrew... and Mike respectively at pong!
2. Let's set up times to go to the UCC gym so I can stop being a blob.

Cheers :)